Why Teenagers Don’t Talk to Parents About Sex

FEW things are more alarming to the modern hyperparent than a silent teenager. And for good reason: The quiet ones usually have something to hide.

According to a consistent body of research, the more information teenagers voluntarily provide their parents (asking directly what they’re up to is next to useless), the fewer adolescent shenanigans parents can expect. Naturally, when it comes to their love lives, most parents would very much like their teenagers to kiss and tell.

But for those whose children don’t, a recent Journal of Adolescence study, “Dating and Disclosure: Adolescent Management of Information Regarding Romantic Involvement,” provided insight as to why not. “Previous studies about what teenagers tell their parents about their love lives asked only one question,” said Christopher Daddis, an assistant professor of psychology at Ohio State University at Marion, the lead author. “It was part of a checklist, ‘Do you tell your parents about school? Friends? Dating?’ But obviously there’s a lot more that can be asked.”

In this case, Dr. Daddis posed 22 questions, including whom they have a crush on and what they text their beau. Respondents consisted of 222 freshmen and seniors from central Ohio. Researchers’ questions covered three categories: identity and basic information (who they were dating; is the person a good student or bad, and so on), sex and supervision (did they have sex or merely snuggle) and how they express affection, be it via handholding or e-mail. Students ranked each based on how likely they were to disclose details to their parents and whether they perceived such disclosures to harm themselves or have consequences for others.

They also rated how much they trusted their parents. Predictably, the more teenagers trusted their parents to accept and understand their decisions, the more likely they were to share the details. “But if you haven’t been talking to your children about their daily lives all along, asking about sex isn’t going to elicit any information,” Dr. Daddis said. As his paper put it mildly, “Dating and romantic relationships are issues over which both adolescents and parents claim decision-making jurisdiction.”

Dr. Daddis explained that “it’s not that teenagers are being selfish by not talking. They’re actively trying to figure out what’s their own business, and what Mom and Dad should know about.”

In general, girls blab more to their parents, and mothers are more likely on the receiving end with both sons and daughters. But when it comes to sex, girls are just as mum as boys. Unless a mother walked in on teenagers entangled on the sofa, there’s little chance of her learning about such unsupervised situations. No surprise. Yet oddly, at least to those of us over 18, teenagers are more likely to hide the content of their romantic instant messages than their sexual activity.

If all this doesn’t give parents enough to stew over, there’s always Dr. Daddis’s next paper, the ominously titled “Everyone Else Can; Why Can’t I?”

Source: www.nytimes.com

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